I think there's a certain reality we need to accept as Student Affairs Practitioners: showering a student (undergraduate/graduate that is going into Student Affairs) in praise is not mentoring, nor is it responsible. Constant, unchecked praise and/or recognition doesn't create confidence that sustains - it creates professionals that lack the self-awareness needed to be humble.
Now I'm sure most SAPs would never admit to this, or to be totally honest, realize they're doing it. We want others to feel great so they transition into our profession positively with the energy, enthusiasm and the attitude needed to sustain. We say this, in part, because we realize our lives can be exhausting (mostly because we make it that way, but that's a conversation for another day) and we know how it feels to have an empty emotional gas tank with 4 months left to go in a school year.
But let's be real - we shower future practitioners in praise because it helps to make us feel good. It helps us feel like we're doing our job - if they feel good, all must be doing well! Sorry, not so much. The chance being taken is just too great. All too often highly praised, poorly mentored students enter our field with an inflated sense of self and respond harshly to feedback because, not through any fault of their own, they've only ever been elevated.
There's a need for guided, responsible feedback. There's also something we fail to tell incoming professionals: IT'S NOT ALWAYS GOING TO BE FUN AND FEEL GOOD. It's not supposed to be! That's learning. You should walk out of some conversations with your supervisor pissed and angry. You should feel challenged and called out. You should also have the humility and self awareness to know that there's always something to learn and that you don't have it all figured out (just because you think the place you came from was awesome - maybe it was, but it's not the place you're at).
But really, this brings up our larger culture of recognition and awards. I'll get to that in another post.
I truly believe that a coaching model represents the best way to work with incoming professionals. I've always struggled with a "compliment sandwich" because all you're doing is dressing up feedback on either end with something positive. That's not authentic. That's not real. And it's not fair.
We're allowing our desire to feel good and see growth in students overshadow the need for critical, guided feedback and an honest conversation about feelings not always being fact. Feeling a certain way doesn't make it true.
FEELING good at your job doesn't make you good at it.
FEELING like a mentor doesn't make you one.
FEELING like you're learning doesn't mean you're learning.
I'm not digging on feelings, I'm digging on allowing them to validate us without having actually achieved or produced outcomes that are meaningful when it comes to incoming professionals.
